Sunday, February 10, 2008

And you may ask yourself: How did I get here?

While the giant brat is on hiatus, here are some google searches that led random readers here: 

biggie baby pics
I guess someone was looking for Biggie Smalls' baby pictures? Whatever he looked like, I'm sure he didn't look like this

hanky poo peanut spell
Now this one really baffles me because I tried this google search and didn't find the blog anywhere. Instead I found sites about people who got off on describing how perfect their poos were, especially if they were peanut-shaped.

porno mama i dog
I was afraid to google this one. Somebody's got some seriously Freudian issues going on here. 

cover me with food and lick it of porn (UK)
Um, it's "off," not "of," ok? The internet is a really perverted place. Here someone was just looking for some relatively vanilla porn - who hasn't played with a little ice cream or whipped cream on a hot summer day? Instead, this Brit got an eyeful of naked puppies! They probably think we Americans are really sick and twisted. 

mr hanky cycle of poo
Biggie's cycle of poo in the early months was pretty much this: Experiencing some distress? Make a poo. Missing Mommy? Make a poo. Out on a walk in the middle of the summer? Too hot to make a poo. Crate a little too big? Make a poo. The poo was voluminous and stinky even though he was eating one of the better brands of kibble - Eagle Pack Holistic. Things changed dramatically once he started on the raw diet at 3 months. Smaller, more compact and less smelly poo. Now his cycle of poo is at least once before the dog run, maybe once in the dog run, and once after leaving. Sometimes they're just 2-3 little peanut-sized turds. Not bad for a 90-ish pound puppy. 

toy that challenge your dog
NOW we're getting somewhere! The Kong Roller (Stuff-a-Ball) and the King Kong are objects of fascination, especially stuffed with treats. The Kong Roller works best with 8-10 pieces of dog biscuit of varying shapes and sizes inside, and then an 11" pizzle threaded through both end holes. The holes are now plugged up so the the pup can hear and smell the other treats inside, but they're too big to come out until the pizzle is finished. Hours of quiet fun until Biggie gets the entire ball stuck so far under the couch that he can't reach it with his paws. 

Other toys of merit: plush puzzle toys (like the Rubik's cube, however, once the dog figures it out, they finish it really quickly and then you have to hunt down the little birds and stuff them back in) and the Jumbo knuckle bone

What is key is rotating the toys so that each one is unavailable to your dog for a few days or longer. Then when it is brought out again, it is SO! MUCH! FUN! It's like having a new toy again. 

Extra challenge: Kong roller stuffed with treats and pizzle, sealed in a cardboard box. Just be prepared to clean up all the shredded cardboard. 

staying ahead of pain
Ah yes. Do as I say, not as I did. Stay AHEAD of the pain. In the first few days after an operation, especially one that involves repairing one's 360-degree (100%) labral tear with seven screws, do NOT try to be a hero. There is nothing macho about surviving that part with a minimum of painkillers. Especially if it is your dominant arm that got the fix. It will hurt. Boy, will it hurt. You will cry like a baby if you let the pain set in.  There will be plenty of time to be macho in the weeks and months afterward, when your shoulder is still sore and you are frustrated with the sloooow progress and you are really tired of wearing the same 3 outfits over and over again. For the first 5 days, though, there is absolutely no shame in taking the painkillers as prescribed. And if they say, "Take 1-2 tablets every 4-6 hours," it is PERFECTLY OK to take 2 tablets every 4 hours. Once the pain sets in, it is very VERY hard to chase it away again. Be macho 5-10 days post-op, when you are trying to wean yourself off of the narcotics and onto NSAIDs (like naprosyn, tylenol, motrin). 

P.S. Childproof caps work pretty well on people who've just had shoulder surgery too. Make sure you have access to the pills when you need them. 

puppy stepping in poop
I really don't think your puppy means to do it. If they are cooped up with a wee-wee pad and they have pooped, it's really a good idea to remove the pad ASAP. Otherwise, you run the risk of unmitigated POO DISASTER.  Really, if you can afford a puppy, you can afford to toss a wee-wee pad after it's been pooped on once. No matter how cute your puppy is, I guarantee you she will be 500% less cute when there is poop on her head or ground into her paws. 

You have to be the grownup in this scenario. Some pups, especially pet store pups, do not have the aversion to their own poo that most puppies do. If they poop, have a bag or pooper scooper of piece of paper to pick up the poo right away. Then they can't step in it. 

biggie's girlfriend
With Valentine's Day coming up, Biggie has been making a list. Too many to count, and we're sure we will miss a few, but he has Mata, Zola, Daisy (actually 2 girls named Daisy), Princess, Mameete, and a small adult female Rottie who is significantly smaller than Biggie. And that's just his dog girlfriends. Pretty much any female who lives in our building and some of the men are objects of extreme affection. He doesn't hump them, he just jumps or stands to whisper sweet nothings in their ears and to lick them. then he rubs along their legs and falls on their feet, pinning them until they at least give him a neck and belly rub. 

Well, with Westminster just around the corner, Biggie wishes a GOOD LUCK to his pal Wimsey. We also have a very eventful Valentine's Day planned for Biggie. Stay tuned for details...


Peanut said...

Oh haha some of those searches were way odd

Pacco de Mongrel said...

hope u will have an unforgettable valentine...

Druiel said...

those searches are hillarious!!
Well done!

love licks from the POrtuguese Weimaraners