Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Gettin' Biggie Wit It

P-Daddy decided he wanted to go play water polo after work so he came home only for a short time to let me go potty, and then HE PUT ME BACK IN MY BEDROOM. AND THEN HE LEFT AGAIN. 
The outrage! And he didn't even feed me dinner, and I am ALWAYS hungry. I lost my Kong Roller and P-Daddy also didn't give me any bully stick or anything new to play with, so I decided to Get Biggie With It. We kuvaszok love to make up our own games. 

Mommy went to an Event almost a month ago and she came back with some goodie bags. She put them on the bedroom floor weeks ago, and I have left them alone all this time. But goodie bags contain GOODIES, right? And all my toys were getting boring since I had played with them ALL DAY already and P-Daddy didn't give me anything new when he ABANDONED me. So I decided to see what puppy goodies were in there. 

There was a lot of paper and cardboard to get through, but I did find some good stuff. First, I found a plastic bottle of something called Joint Juice, that looked like Vitamin Water with glucosamine in it. Mommy is always worried about my hip displays, and I was thirsty anyway. But damn these paws! I couldn't get the cap off, so I bit some holes in the bottom of the bottle and drank it that way. Then when I was finished I crushed the bottle like a frat boy chugs a can of beer and smashes it on his head. (Ed. Note: And there was no dampness on the carpet - AT ALL.)

After my drink I wanted something to eat, but the best I could find was a lipstick. It was a lot of work to get to the creamy goodness, too. It was in a plastic and cardboard box and then it had a lipstick case that I had to take apart and leave little pieces of lipstick-case-shrapnel all over the bedroom floor. I got some lipstick on my paws when I was trying to put it on my lips. Again, damn these non-opposable dewclaws!

It really is hard work putting on makeup, so I had to take a nap. When Mommy and P-Daddy came home they saw me with lipstick on my paws and face (very visible on a white pup!) and shredded cardboard all hanging in my butt fur. I thought I looked quite decorative but you should have seen the horrified looks on their faces. They were so horrified that they forgot to take a picture of beautiful me! 


Huck said...

wow Biggie, what a busy evening for you! Maybe next time you should be more secretive about eating naughty things and gobble up any evidence. Then the humans only freak out when it all starts coming out of your butt.
TomTom my new miniature brother only weighs 9 lbs.! How much do you weigh now?

Mango said...

Biggie -
Sounds like you had a great party. How dare your Dad go out and have fun without you! Doggies CAN play the water polo, you know.

That lipstick sounds yummers!


Anonymous said...

I would much rather Jackson eat parts of his dog house than dig up the utilities in the back yard when he gets lonely. Now that he knows what and where the gas line is he wants to see it everyday. I am thinking of different ways to keep the puppy safe from the enticing utilities and still have grass that he likes to do his business in. -Jackson's mom

Sparky said...

Can you recreate the whole scene so we can get that picture? I bet your pawrents were super impressed with your puppy skilz once the hysteria wore off! Good for you for not wasting a drop of that drink you consumed. That takes talent, my friend.

Mango said...

Biggie - If you order a puppy, make sure you get a full sized one. Its really hard working things out with a little midget dog. I think a cat is right out (what were they thinkin).