Saturday, April 5, 2008

Biggietude. Respect it.





Yeah, that's me. 

Lemme tell you about the Biggie Posse. The main peeps in my posse are P-Daddy and Mommy. Mommy keeps me in line more, but if P-Daddy yells at me, man! I am IN BIG TROUBLE. This usually happens when I pull the laundry basket out from under the bed and take some of Mommy's socks. Always Mommy's clothes because she is gone on business more. Other peeps in my posse are the Puppy Transport Team and everybody who lives in my building in New York and on my cul-de-sac in Vermont. They are allowed to be in my territory so long as they let me do as much sniffing and cuddling of them as I want. 

Lately I had to make some changes in my posse. I had to fire my dog walker. We were having a failure to communicate. He kept trying to dominate me and then he would act submissive at the same time. We had to figure out where we stood, and so I let him know that I didn't really like to walk him. I'd rather go with Mommy or P-Daddy because they let me visit with my friends and don't yank on my leash when I'm walking nicely. 

Last week P-Daddy had to hoist all 100 pounds of me into the tub at home for my first home bath in a long time. That's because I wouldn't let the doggy day care people wash me. I only had a short day and it was taking away from my play time. So they kept trying to wash me and I let them know that I was not having a bath right then. Good thing they listened. 

Also, in the dog run there was this boy who hadn't had his tests taken yet. He was a pain in the butt, literally, because he thought he could hump me even though I weigh like 7 times more than him. I tried just ignoring him but he wouldn't leave me alone. Finally last week he brought his mom to the dog run. I LOVE dog-moms. They are the best. So I went up to her to work my Biggie charm on her (Chicks dig it). While I was leaning on her legs, Echo came up and was all like, "That's MY mommy! You don't get to cuddle with MY mommy!" and he started yapping and nipping at my butt. 

Now this kind of activity really cramps my style. Echo was being the opposite of a wing man. Not only was he not respecting me, but he was trying to steal my new girl! I was still gonna leave him alone, but he wasn't listening to my warning signs. Finally, he ripped a big chunk of fur off my butt! At that point I HAD to show him who was boss. I made my ROAR RAR ARRRR GRRRRRR ROAR noises and pinned him with my paw. He still didn't give up so I showed him all my big teeth and made like I was gonna rip his head off (not really, of course). Finally he started crying and that was about the same time Mommy grabbed me from behind and pulled me away and gave me what for. Boy did I get in trouble for that one!

I tried to tell her with my eyes that Echo started it and that he pulled my hair and that it really HURT and that was NOT respecting the Biggietude AND he still had his tests and they were driving me crazy, AND I didn't even hurt him even though I could have eaten him in one bite, but she would NOT listen. She keeps saying that big dogs have to be better than that. She didn't even find the big bare patch on my butt until the next day when she was giving me a bath. (She thought I was just blowing my coat and the rest of my fur hid the bare patch.) At least the one thing I accomplished was that Echo's getting his tests taken soon. But I think even if he doesn't, he's not gonna mess with the Biggie any time soon. 

That's the Biggietude. So long as you don't mess with me, my Mommy or P-Daddy or my girls, you can be in my posse.





2 comments:

Peanut said...

I don't think you did anything wrong with Echo. He needed to learn some manners. People need to learn big dogs behave just like other dogs.

bipolarlawyercook said...

100 pounds! Yikes!